A okay

all you can do is smile and Thank Him for every single day.

a change, not for once but always

HI there, you gorgeous! yes YOU, gorgeous page! I miss you, bloggyyy!! xD

It's been exactly one month and five days since that day when I had to leave most things behind me. Not to mention, my comfort zone, my little 'heaven' and for lack of better words, my safe shelter, althogether. I know, i've been strong but lately, i know i've been stumbling as well.

Even before I could learn to walk, i'm already running. :'(

That's how I'm feeling right now.

There's no turning back. No place where I could hide anymore. Maybe, in times like this, death seems more like a peaceful place. Then again, where's the adventure??
So far, college has been GREAT. I'd never thought it could be real fun as what others have told me. Now that i've experienced it for myself, indeed... It's one HEAVEN of an awesome ride!! New friends that I've met so far are only part of those few whom I'm going to meet soon. =)
I have to admit that yes, i've gotten into trouble and I am tired of having to go through it over and over again BUT through all the trouble and mistakes, I learned and not tired of learning still.
Through every mistakes, I will change and I will never be the same as I was yesterday. I change and I accept every downfall.

I'd never thought i'd take addmaths after high school but here I am, sitting here, enjoying my college maths work which is no difference than addmaths back then.

TO MY LOVELY LIL BROTHA,back home :

No matter what they may say,
I know you sing well, you always do!!
I admire you for the courage you have to even sing a duet piece on stage.
(to me, the stage has always been a place when there's so much freedom. Now that drama is no longer what i can do in college, I do miss performing.)
I don't say it JUST because you're my brother but it's true! I wish I could be there,cheering you on and watching you perform but well, you know I'd love to be there.
As I'm typing this, you know whats been going on in my mind?
You.. OH how i miss talking craps and disturbing you! Actually, it's much more than that, I miss how you'd know when i'm down and come listen to me even when you don't want to. You've always been like that. Nearly, always more than just my younger brother to me - more like a best friend. It just isn't the same here. Anyway, don't feel frustrated with anything, alright? and by the way, PLEASE do call me sometime.

Also, Nana, I miss your talkativeness.xD

with much love,
your sister,Cella.

Tata~
as much as i miss you, bloggy, i can't promise when exactly will i be updating anytime soon.

at cross roads

Gary.
A short,chubby kid, flushed with pink cheeks almost like a little girl's. He's not like many. In fact, he's always had a maturity that was not really what most people would aspect of him.[Well,that's another story.]
This year, he's turning 18.
One afternoon, he was lying on his bed, thinking that as soon as he step out of the house, he know it'll never be the same again. It never occured to him that this day would come when all this while, this day seems to take forever.
And then it hit him that he was going to have to make a decision that would somehow shape his whole future ahead of him.
Though, he always tell himself,"it's all about the risk."
But at this point, he is not even sure anymore if the risk he is about to take is going to be worth it. Too much- this is too much for him, he thought to himself again and again.
See, Gary has always been afraid to stand up for himself or even to speak to anyone for that matter. In short, he was a shy boy. Now, all that is going to have to change for Gary since turning 18 would mean turning into an adult. He would have to leave home and he knows that he is going further and even further away when the time comes.
His friends? Well, he don't have much to keep in touch with. Mostly, aquaintances you would say. He realizes, he's alone now. He has always been but the fact that worldly things kept taking charge of him, he never did. Hence, he should be able to handle this, he thought again. He should have gotten used to being alone a long time ago. One thing led to another and his thinking became more like confusions and deeper longing of wanting to know what's next.
Still in his mind, he got up and went to sit near the window, looking up into the sky from the balcony. He closed his eyes and inhaled the fresh scent of his mother's freshly planted flowers outside in the garden. This moment- is a moment that he'll never give back. He tilted his head to the side and looked back up. If he could have one chance of being able to see the future, he know he wouldn't because he wanted to keep that as a surprise, whether or not it's bad or good. IT IS going to be worth the risk, indeed. Then, he smiled.

So, what's next for me? I'll have to find out own my own.
As been said, A man determines his own battle. I have mine.

counting down

5 more days ~

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

it's official

hoorahhh!!! I, now declare myself as an official school leaver. Bible knowledge paper was goood!At least, I think I did well. :)

Today marks the day
that I wear that old blue dress.
With my hair tied up in a ponytail;

and walking through that rocky pathway.

Time.

surely does past by so quickly.

The smell of thin air, of that old wooden tables and chairs.

After exactly five years being there,

maybe not entirely at the same place..

different backgrounds and cultures,

but both brings that kind of the same adventure- ones I would never forget.

tata

flashback to november

NOVEMBER!

Supposingly MY month. ;) BUT as you all know, spm... *pffft...spoiler!*
Then again, it wasn't all bad. Dad and mum brought the whole family for a japanese dinner during my bday and it was goood...

My mum and her little act for the night.

I can tell you, the food was awesome... absolutely mesmerising.

Moving on, my preparation for exams..

maths? yesss

It's those words that I see nearly every morning when I sit at the patio and it's those words that gives me an assurance in all that I do.

At the end of the day, I find that spm or any other exams aren't everything. Yes, I may need to work hard and achieve the very best but it all comes down to whether I really want to do it.

"its not how good you are, it's how good you want to be."- Paul Arden.

Some say, SPM is just the beginning. Soon, I'll find out how true that is.

DECEMBER!!


everyone knows, it's the holiday season and well, celebrating HIS birthday - my lover,friend and saviour, Jesus. :)
Nevertheless, this year's Christmas season is coming so fast. I sooo miss caroling. Thinking of the joyous moments and singing carols from one house to another, looking at those smiling faces,laughters and so much more. ahh, the thought.

then again, december just started . . .

helloooooo

Sooo, spm nearly over... now what?
Never thought of how it's going to be but now that i'm finally reaching this point of a life where decisions, both good and bad is bound to be made, I have no idea what step to take next. [Dad in heaven, bless me!]

phewwwwww

I don't want to think about the papers. It frustrates me just thinking of how many careless mistakes i've made. It frustrates me more that only the last few seconds before handing in my paper, then I remember certain things but as soon as I wanted to erase my answers, RINGGG!! too late. As the saying of a peribahasa goes,'nasi sudah menjadi bubur.' Direct translate, 'rice has become porridge.'
Indeed, if you ask me how was spm? I'd say it has been going well. How well? Hard to say. For now, lets just all sit back,relax and wait for the nerve-wrecking day, next year.

It has really been a while since I've written anything in here. I'm a bit shaky for now to type and I'll update more, hopefully. *blow dusts off blog* :D

My holiday list:

• get through with violin and bible knowledge exam.
• go swim.
• find a part-time job. [a kindy teacher, perhaps?teehee]
• sing.
• dance.
• movie-marathon.
  
• go someplace quiet.
• write a song.
  
• hang out with grandma.
• do something extraordinary
  

etc...

I'm in a race with myself. Though there is so much that I have in mind to do a lot of things and to get it done as fast as I can, I know I couldn't posssibly be able to do it all in a, I'd say a short period of time because these things that I want to do would take a whole lifetime to accomplish. That also means, it takes commitment and patience. Starting today, I am challenging myself to accomplish just what I want to achieve and to do it without regrets.